September 16th, 2019
Some times, you just don't have much to say.
Other times, technology doesn't cooperate.
And some times, you just don't feel like talking/sharing/being on technology.
This weekend, the words weren't flowing for this blog. I just felt like being a part of life, not constantly reminiscing or reflecting or looking for the meanings of all the moments (although I can't help that one...I see the deeper meanings in every single moment now).
I just wanted to be.
To be in the moment.
To love on friends - new and old.
To just enjoy being in the actual presence of people I adore.
It was a lovely weekend! I enjoyed dinner with my fellow Unstoppable Influencers at Barbacoa. I relished in people watching (and hugging some of my favorite humans...
oh - and a tree...
yep, I loved on a tree)
at the Hyde Park Street Fair.
I sat by a pool, ate delicious food, went hot tubbing...
And laughed some more...
I stayed up late...
and I slept in...
I shared nothing but love with the wonderful people that surrounded me.
I released a lot under the full moon and I cried.
I felt so much love.
I thoroughly enjoyed life.
That's the point of this existence. Play. Love. Find joy. Laugh. Adventure. JUST BE. Learn. Release. Repeat.
It's been a long time coming for me to find that peace. That ability to truly BE in the moment. To be in the presence of another human (or group of humans) and actually give them your whole self...all your focus...all your attention. I didn't even bother to plug in my phone this weekend...until we needed it for directions to get to the hot tub clear out in Star (hi Rebecca). Seriously, best weekend I've had since getting away to Trinity Hot Springs - or my FL trip...Just being. TRULY BEING in the moment.
I haven't been reading much. Or listening to the books or podcasts like I was all of last year. I have felt like right now is a time to be in silence. It's in the silence that I am hearing the answers. It is when I turn OFF my brain...do busy work if meditation can't get it to turn off (lord knows I've had a lot of busy work lately) that the next step comes to me. Although life did not go the direction I thought it would, I am discovering that I am so much happier - so much more at peace - in this realm of not knowing. Crazy as that sounds, I love not knowing what's next. It's a great adventure. In this realm of simply trusting that the universe is going to make things happen. Trusting that the universe is going to provide and guide me to where I am supposed to be. Showing me what my next step is just as I need to see it. That trust has been the greatest gift after losing trust in humanity and in myself (thanks to my ex and his actions). But, it wasn't ME that I couldn't trust...I made it known that the path with him was not necessarily the right path for me - but I didn't listen. I focused on human things - on societal expectations - on the comforts of a "secure" relationship instead of focusing on what my soul was telling me. We were toxic for each other. He was especially toxic for me.
I will never - ever - ever - EVER do that again (at least that is my plan, but I am human after all). I have learned that I have to listen when my higher self - the universe - the angels and the divine give me a message. It is when I don't listen - or I avoid the thing that I am supposed to do - that I sink into despair or come into pain.
I have been too comfortable in the shadows. It is so much easier to be there. You can hide in the shadows. No one sees your "flaws" (which - truly - you have none...those are merely human perceptions...you are perfect just the way you are in all the oddities that you are). Embrace the flaws and step into the light. I know from experience that speaking openly about your darkness helps people who can't find the words. It shows them they are not alone. It shows them that they CAN find the strength to keep moving out of the shadows - if they decide that is what they want to do.
Unfortunately - not everyone wants to find their way back to the light. They see nothing but fear in the light. I have those moments, for sure, but oh my goodness - it is SO BEAUTIFUL on the other side of the shadows. LIVING and LOVING completely, unconditionally, with no expectations. THAT is what this life is about. And if there's someone who is always bringing you down - you CAN walk away.
I closed that door. It was scary but oh the doors that have opened since are SO MUCH more exciting than the mediocre life I was living. We all have so much greatness in us. We all have the ability to help people...whether it's one person or one million...every single one matters. So step into your greatness. Step through the fear. There's so much joy, wonder, and beauty on this side of the shadows. Live completely and BE in this moment. And, "don't save things for a special occasion. Every day of your life is a special occasion." ~Thomas S. Monson
I will be going back to Trinity Hot Springs this coming weekend. There's live music Saturday the 21st, but more importantly, there are humans who will teach you what loving one another truly looks like. Perhaps I'll see you there.
I love you all! So completely. Doesn't mean that I like someone's actions ... or even that I like them ... but my soul truly loves every single one of you.
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I had a dream that I was traveling all over the world. In less than 6 months, I sold almost everything I own...bought a Toy Hauler (the "garage" is my art studio) and am now living wherever, whenever...just me, my art, and my cats.