September 10th, 2019
I had grand plans of all the things I would do. I was going to paint, sight see, catch up on my online teaching job, pay bills, call utility companies...ALL the things. But, I fell asleep. And slept most of the day.
I have learned to listen to my body. This meat suit is here for us... its the only one we have in this lifetime... so you must take care of it.
That's never been a priority for me. I have hated this body. Mistreated and abused it. Thought and said mean things about it.
In January of this year, I received confirmation through a guided meditation of something awful that happened to me at age three. Age three was when I separated from my body. It wasn't safe to be in it, so I always daydreamed and ventured into the world of imagination instead of staying grounded in this "damaged" body. I still do not know who the old man was who took advantage of a little girl who just didn't understand what was happening - I don't need to know. In that meditation, I was able to heal. To tell the three year old me that it wasn't her fault. I grieved for her. I held her. I comforted her. And I convinced her that it is safe to be in her body. And I forgave that man and myself.
I healed that day. Tremendously. Learning the truth - no matter how difficult - is often what we need to get to a place of peace. That's what the last year, since June 6, 2018 was for me. My ex, who I was married to for 18 years at that point, came home in between work and practice and devastated me with news. It's funny, looking back, because when he told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be married anymore ... I SMILED.
I couldn't stop and had to leave the room. I went in the bathroom and grabbed some tissue to pretend I was crying. It was a strange experience! Why was I smiling? I felt betrayed by my body, it wasn't doing what i thought it should (cry, get angry, be upset... don't smile as your world falls apart... come on now). The truth is, my body knew before my mind did that this was the beginning of me coming home... back into my body. Grounded, protected and at peace.
Since that day, I've definitely awakened to the truth of this life and I no longer despise this form that carries me. I know there is still so much to learn and do... and that's what this adventure is going to allow.
Having slept most of the day and then going to bed early (11 pm) and waking up late (7 am), there isn't much travel adventure to share. I did run into town to see if I could get a second sewer hose... my connection is at the front-ish of the camper and the campground's connection is at the back. Finding all sorts of things out on this trip. I also had the GPS take me down a road I wouldn't have been able to pull my home down (seriously, I think my GPS is twisted - see picture above). There's also a camper that put some pool noodle floaties on the corners of the slideouts. BRILLIANT! I will have to do that as I've cracked my head multiple times. Hmmm... perhaps the sleepiness is a concussion...I wonder, can you do a concussion test on yourself? 🤦
Another minor issue that arose, I discovered a drip where there shouldn't be one while connected to city water - and yes I have a pressure regulator on. So I am in a full hookup campground, only connected to power. The universe enjoys challenging us. That is why we came to this soul playground called Earth. To learn. To heal. To grow. To explore. To love.
The greatest love is yourself.
I have to make calls today to turn off utilities at the Boise house because it officially closed yesterday! I am officially a nomad!
Well, I am going to site see today after calls and catching up on my teaching job so, TTFN (ta ta for now). Love you all! Have a beautiful day and be kind to your body. It does so much for you.
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I had a dream that I was traveling all over the world. In less than 6 months, I sold almost everything I own...bought a Toy Hauler (the "garage" is my art studio) and am now living wherever, whenever...just me, my art, and my cats.