December 27th, 2019

Days 74-78

What is it you've always wanted to do?

Why haven't you done it?

I will no longer make excuses for not living the life I want to live. This past year was an exercise in living.

Christmas came and went, it was different being away from family but...I truly enjoyed my day. It was a day of relaxation. A day of peace. I didn't spend a bunch of money on useless gifts. I didn't stress fixing the perfect Christmas dinner. I didn't stuff myself to the point of discomfort.

Instead we threw the frisbee and read on the beach. We ate delicious BBQ and we sat in the hot tub. Truly peaceful.

Sure, I missed family. But, I made a point to BE truly present all day. And it was bliss.

Every year, my mentors challenge me to choose a word for the year. My word for 2019 was BE. I wanted to just BE in the flow of life. I wanted to BE happy, to BE me, to BE present, to BE alive. I had no idea that would bring an end to a 20 year relationship that was killing me (I couldn't see that until I got away). I wasn't BEing ME for the majority of that relationship because I was afraid of his judgment...always afraid I wouldn't live up to expectations.

Never again will I change who I am to please anyone else. I am full of passion, full of love, full of adventure...I will BE me regardless of what anyone thinks.

Sure, I still catch myself in judgment of me... there's 41 years of that to break. But I will BE in the flow of life, living my truth, and LOVING COMPLETELY. This year was the first year of my life. Beginning with my soul journey in January to The Little Red Cabin in Garden Valley, I began to come back to me. I found my truth. I found my freedom.

Early 2019, I sat with one of my mentors, THE Frank White. He told me of his journey to finding the truth. I asked "what is that truth you found?"

He responded that he can't tell me what the truth is because it is different for each of us.

My truth is not your truth.

It is up to each of us to take the journey into self and discover what we came into this life to learn.

Yes, we have souls we have journeyed with ... but, even they will find a different answer.

So, I hope that 2020 will bring you your true vision (see what I did there 😜). May you discover self. May you discover truth. May you discover how to BE in the now.

Now is all we have. Now, I am going to hit the gym. This body has a lot of places to take me still... so I must keep it healthy.

The travel front has not brought much, but I've had a tremendous amount of time to think. And I am enjoying the now, no matter where I am, or what I'm doing. I am truly grateful for this moment.

Much love to you all! Have a beautiful day... just BE - even for a moment - BE in the NOW.