December 17th, 2020

Nomad day 465

We made our way to the ocean again. GPS took us on a tiny road... again.

The ways it takes us are sometimes very interesting. It'll take us one direction to get to a place, then another to return home.

We never know why.

Sometimes it really stresses me out. For example, when it tells us to go south when I know our location is north.

That one happened most recently after leaving the Dali museum in St Petersburg.

We place our trust in the GPS ... an unseen guide ... and usually it gets us to our location - just not always by the route we thought we should take.

Like life.

When I first set off on this adventure, I had only the company of my cats and my GPS. I didn't know where I would go, what I would do, sometimes until hours before I'd decide where I'd stay. Usually, I'd stop for a break, see how far I'd be in a certain amount of hours, then look for a place to stop around that point.

I found many interesting locations. Now, we plan our locations ahead (it is necessary in the winter in Florida if you hope for a place to park) but it is always based off of something we wish to see in the area.

I had no cognitive idea that this would be my life. Traveling from place to place as a nomad. I truly had no idea how many wonderful places there are in the United States. I just made the decision to live, and my life became a wonderful adventure.

This was my second visit to the Dali Museum (my first was with my brother and his family in May, 2019). This time, there was no virtual reality where you go into one of Dali's paintings but, the Van Gogh Alive exhibit was there. I have felt a special kinship to Van Gogh all of my life (I even became a Dr. Who fan because of the episode about Van Gogh). I was in tears multiple times as his paintings and words surrounded us. His words hit home. Completely to my core. His anguish was once my anguish. His love of nature, mine. His love of color, mine. His desire to live a life of passion, mine.

I am so grateful that my ex made the decisions he did so that I could find my truth, find my freedom, find my passion, and find life. Thank you.

I was not living until I left him. Sure, there were a few blips of adventure in my life up to that point but, for the most part... I merely existed.

Many who love me hate what I had to go through ... but l say, it had to happen so I would wake up and see how miserable my life was.

Simply because I made a "safe" choice as a young single mother.

My plea for you, don't choose a partner because they seem like the safest option in your life. The way people behave during courtship is not the same they'll behave for all time. Make sure that there is a mutual love and respect. Otherwise, in a matter of years, one of you will begin to feel trapped as the other controls everything... and you will be miserable.

I wouldn't take back my choice because I had to grow and heal in order to be strong and brave enough to set out on my own. I just caution others about making that decision. I had far too many years where I felt like I didn't matter. My words didn't matter. My thoughts didn't matter. My life didn't matter. I don't wish that on anyone. Ever. However, I know...

EVERY. SINGLE. THING. HAPPENS. AS. IT. SHOULD.

Some of those things really suck in the moment (some, like the unexpected death of a loved one suck forever) but it is all a part of the journey already set for you to find what you came to find in this life.

I am thankful for every trial. I am thankful that I now have a love of life that no one can quench. A love for, and from, another human that I thought only happened in movies (note, I had to choose myself and love myself completely before I found him... I joked I was in a three-way relationship with me, myself and I). I have found my peace. Yes, I still have moments where I'm out of alignment but I am able to work through those much faster now because I recognize them.

It is ok to feel not ok. Just don't stay there forever. Do one thing, each and every day, that brings you joy. Learn from the pain and move forward into the passion that is living a life of love.

Sending you all love and light today... even if you were a source of pain for me. I forgive it all because I know it helped me get here.