Today I have been thinking about all the transitions and paths I have wandered. I love to wander about the wilderness and discover new things. While I was in Florida in May, I would wake up to watch the sunrise on the beach - I found a labyrinth one day and walked it's winding path. Sitting in the middle of that, I realized that this was only the beginning of my new life. It is so strange to think about where I was...and where I am now. So exciting to think about where I will go. There are no boundaries, no limitations, unless I choose to see them.
One year ago, I was figuring out how to complete the automobile series - I had to figure out how to still meet the requirements of having automobiles as the main subject. The problem was, I didn't feel like painting the clean smooth lines of classic cars and trucks - I didn't feel like painting shiny things because life was not shiny and clean. I also didn't want to just throw some photos up with the few paintings I planned on completing. I thought I had hit a road block, but it was simply a detour. All of last year was a detour. Although it didn't feel like it at the time. That's what is most difficult about this life and the dark times...it feels like the end, not the chance for a new beginning.
That detour allowed me to find myself.
The detour allowed me to find my truth.
The detour allowed me to realize that there is so much beyond what we are taught here on this planet. I am just beginning to remember the gifts I have been given. I know that I have chosen each and every one of the lessons so that my soul can heal - and so I can help others heal.
It has been quite the adventure already...some may wonder how I am still smiling but the truth is, the destruction of who I thought I was brought me peace and clarity.
When our paths are full of obstacles - we feel beat up from all the bumps, ruts and walls we hit - but each of those "smashings" that we endure are there to get rid of all the preconceived notions of what society has placed on us. They are there to allow us to release all the garbage we have decided to carry. "To put the bricks down" as my business and life coach Natasha Hazlett would say. I was able, after I could see the light again, to see that even though horrible things had occurred - they occurred FOR MY GOOD. That's really hard for some people to see. They get stuck in victim mentality and will never see the good that comes out of the pain. But, when you take the thing that broke you and you use it to propel you forward...then you will understand.
There are so many wonderful things on this planet, wonderful moments, that people just choose not to see. Yes, it is a choice. You can focus on everything that is going wrong in your life, dwell on the awful things, constantly go over what went wrong - what you did wrong - negativity coursing through you OR you can focus on what is good right now. Look around you. What is good right now? It may be that you have a roof over your head. Maybe the only good you can see is that your heart is still beating (maybe you don't see that as good - but it is...there's someone or something on this planet that needs YOU and your special gifts). Find the thing (or things) that is good in your life and focus on that. It will change your life. It will become the way you view the world (believe me, it does take work at the beginning) and it will be your norm. The negative thought patterns will fade away. Then, your frequency will vibrate at a higher level and all the wonderful things that have been waiting for you will start to show up.
It has been so interesting to me the attention I receive now that I am full of love and light. People I used to think were "out of my reach" want to be around me. I'm still getting used to this. That man - who should've been a sculpture because he was truly art - kept telling me that he just wanted to be near me. To talk to me. To see me smile. Wow. That felt so good - and I truly was shocked (I kept thinking "man, you must be drunk"). But the truth is, as my friend said today (hi Pat), when we are full of confidence and are truly happy, that shows and people are attracted to that.
So, I am getting used to the attention - at the same time as I get used to the silence. This new life is a strange dichotomy between those two things. I have been asked on multiple occasions if I get tired of the quiet. Yes, sometimes I do. If you're someone who knows me well and you receive a random text from me, know I'm reaching out in one of those moments - needing that human connection. I have to admit that I have a tendency to reach out in avoidance of the silence too. But as I said in yesterdays post - that silence is where I find answers. It just so happens, I don't always want to hear the answer.
But that is the way it goes.
I am feeling like I am rambling...there's a lot flowing through my head and truly, I needed to stop and write this in the middle of the day when the inspiration truly struck me. But those thoughts have left - perhaps they'll return...but for now, this is what you get.
I guess the biggest thing today is to work on shifting your focus to the good. Find joy in the little things. DO the things that you want to do. You may not have tomorrow. K...now I'm going all cliche on you. So I bid you adieu.
I love you all. Truly.
I had a dream that I was traveling all over the world. In less than 6 months, I sold almost everything I own...bought a Toy Hauler (the "garage" is my art studio) and am now living wherever, whenever...just me, my art, and my cats.