September 23rd, 2019
I have lost track of the days since I took several days away from this blog. All I know is that I am now 2 weeks and 3 days into this new life. This new way of living. This new experience. This new adventure.
Last week was a roller coaster as I experienced some very wonderful things but also finalized my divorce. 20 years with someone, done in one decision. In all reality though...we hadn't truly loved each other for many - MANY - years. I really didn't want to blog about this which is why I didn't feel the desire to blog - or even post much - over the past week. Instead, I chose to process it quietly and - of course - go celebrate my new life.
I have been thinking about the harvest...since I am currently parked at a friend's farm that's no big surprise. Every single day you are planting seeds. You are planting seeds in your own mind, in your business, in your life. EVERY SINGLE DAY you have the choice to plant a seed that is going to be a beneficial harvest for you - or a seed that is going to poison you...IT IS YOUR CHOICE. So, I am challenging myself, and each of you, to look at the seeds you're planting and really think about what the outcome will be.
Sure, I really wanted to be vengeful and plant seeds that would harm my ex...I was angry - and rightfully so according to everyone who knew what had happened. But, looking down the road, I couldn't see what GOOD would come of those seeds. So, I processed the anger and released it as best as I could at the time ... which planted the seed that when anger returns, I can deal with it in a different way. In my anger, I chipped a knuckle from punching a wall. Yep. I punched a wall. Not the wisest decision...and now I have pain in that knuckle anytime I catch it on something...but at the time - there was so much rage I just lashed out. I had spent YEARS bottling up my emotions. Never really fully releasing anything - so it was in that moment of discovery that my spouse was not the man I thought he was and I had been fooled that all of the pent up anger exploded. As I write this, I look at the walls in my trailer and tell myself "no more punching walls" but I never thought I was a wall puncher anyway. As a friend said to me yesterday as we returned from Trinity Hot Springs "some people just can't control themselves when they get angry." I had seen it happen in other people, never myself...until July of 2018 - then again in April of 2019. Yeah...didn't learn my lesson after the first wall...and realized I hadn't processed a lot of the anger from 2018.
I am hopeful that I have released it. I recently had a conversation with a total stranger about the emotional abuse I had suffered in a previous relationship. He asked me "are you over that? Have you truly released it?" I couldn't answer the question. I wasn't sure if I had. I thought I had...but when I look at the marriage that just dissolved, I know I was not 100% emotionally supportive. So I sit and think about all the failed relationships. Looking back at the lessons I was meant to learn. Discovering where I have not released pain and releasing it. It has been an interesting week since that conversation.
It has also been a wonderful week. Wonderful because, for the first time in my life, I got to hang out with someone who made me feel like I was the most important person on the planet. No distractions from other people, just the two of us...completely enjoying the moment. Completely enjoying each other's company. It was truly beautiful. Truly magical. I have never experienced that feeling before. So, I focused completely on the moment (which is why I have been so quiet lately...I've been in the moment).
None of us know what the future will bring. What I can tell you is, if you give your all - every ounce of your attention - to THIS moment and plant the seeds that are going to be a benefit to your future, you will enjoy this life. You will truly live because you are here, NOW. This past week I stayed in the now...I went to concerts, I danced to some amazing music, I got away to the mountains, I loved and lived COMPLETELY IN THE MOMENT. My friends, nothing really matters except this moment, right now. So stop worrying about what tomorrow will bring, do what your future self will thank you for, plant the seed and then let it grow. Have a beautiful day! I truly do love you all!
September 17th, 2019
Today I have been thinking about all the transitions and paths I have wandered. I love to wander about the wilderness and discover new things. While I was in Florida in May, I would wake up to watch the sunrise on the beach - I found a labyrinth one day and walked it's winding path. Sitting in the middle of that, I realized that this was only the beginning of my new life. It is so strange to think about where I was...and where I am now. So exciting to think about where I will go. There are no boundaries, no limitations, unless I choose to see them.
One year ago, I was figuring out how to complete the automobile series - I had to figure out how to still meet the requirements of having automobiles as the main subject. The problem was, I didn't feel like painting the clean smooth lines of classic cars and trucks - I didn't feel like painting shiny things because life was not shiny and clean. I also didn't want to just throw some photos up with the few paintings I planned on completing. I thought I had hit a road block, but it was simply a detour. All of last year was a detour. Although it didn't feel like it at the time. That's what is most difficult about this life and the dark times...it feels like the end, not the chance for a new beginning.
That detour allowed me to find myself.
The detour allowed me to find my truth.
The detour allowed me to realize that there is so much beyond what we are taught here on this planet. I am just beginning to remember the gifts I have been given. I know that I have chosen each and every one of the lessons so that my soul can heal - and so I can help others heal.
It has been quite the adventure already...some may wonder how I am still smiling but the truth is, the destruction of who I thought I was brought me peace and clarity.
When our paths are full of obstacles - we feel beat up from all the bumps, ruts and walls we hit - but each of those "smashings" that we endure are there to get rid of all the preconceived notions of what society has placed on us. They are there to allow us to release all the garbage we have decided to carry. "To put the bricks down" as my business and life coach Natasha Hazlett would say. I was able, after I could see the light again, to see that even though horrible things had occurred - they occurred FOR MY GOOD. That's really hard for some people to see. They get stuck in victim mentality and will never see the good that comes out of the pain. But, when you take the thing that broke you and you use it to propel you forward...then you will understand.
There are so many wonderful things on this planet, wonderful moments, that people just choose not to see. Yes, it is a choice. You can focus on everything that is going wrong in your life, dwell on the awful things, constantly go over what went wrong - what you did wrong - negativity coursing through you OR you can focus on what is good right now. Look around you. What is good right now? It may be that you have a roof over your head. Maybe the only good you can see is that your heart is still beating (maybe you don't see that as good - but it is...there's someone or something on this planet that needs YOU and your special gifts). Find the thing (or things) that is good in your life and focus on that. It will change your life. It will become the way you view the world (believe me, it does take work at the beginning) and it will be your norm. The negative thought patterns will fade away. Then, your frequency will vibrate at a higher level and all the wonderful things that have been waiting for you will start to show up.
It has been so interesting to me the attention I receive now that I am full of love and light. People I used to think were "out of my reach" want to be around me. I'm still getting used to this. That man - who should've been a sculpture because he was truly art - kept telling me that he just wanted to be near me. To talk to me. To see me smile. Wow. That felt so good - and I truly was shocked (I kept thinking "man, you must be drunk"). But the truth is, as my friend said today (hi Pat), when we are full of confidence and are truly happy, that shows and people are attracted to that.
So, I am getting used to the attention - at the same time as I get used to the silence. This new life is a strange dichotomy between those two things. I have been asked on multiple occasions if I get tired of the quiet. Yes, sometimes I do. If you're someone who knows me well and you receive a random text from me, know I'm reaching out in one of those moments - needing that human connection. I have to admit that I have a tendency to reach out in avoidance of the silence too. But as I said in yesterdays post - that silence is where I find answers. It just so happens, I don't always want to hear the answer.
But that is the way it goes.
I am feeling like I am rambling...there's a lot flowing through my head and truly, I needed to stop and write this in the middle of the day when the inspiration truly struck me. But those thoughts have left - perhaps they'll return...but for now, this is what you get.
I guess the biggest thing today is to work on shifting your focus to the good. Find joy in the little things. DO the things that you want to do. You may not have tomorrow. K...now I'm going all cliche on you. So I bid you adieu.
I love you all. Truly.
September 16th, 2019
Some times, you just don't have much to say.
Other times, technology doesn't cooperate.
And some times, you just don't feel like talking/sharing/being on technology.
This weekend, the words weren't flowing for this blog. I just felt like being a part of life, not constantly reminiscing or reflecting or looking for the meanings of all the moments (although I can't help that one...I see the deeper meanings in every single moment now).
I just wanted to be.
To be in the moment.
To love on friends - new and old.
To just enjoy being in the actual presence of people I adore.
It was a lovely weekend! I enjoyed dinner with my fellow Unstoppable Influencers at Barbacoa. I relished in people watching (and hugging some of my favorite humans...
oh - and a tree...
yep, I loved on a tree)
at the Hyde Park Street Fair.
I sat by a pool, ate delicious food, went hot tubbing...
And laughed some more...
I stayed up late...
and I slept in...
I shared nothing but love with the wonderful people that surrounded me.
I released a lot under the full moon and I cried.
I felt so much love.
I thoroughly enjoyed life.
That's the point of this existence. Play. Love. Find joy. Laugh. Adventure. JUST BE. Learn. Release. Repeat.
It's been a long time coming for me to find that peace. That ability to truly BE in the moment. To be in the presence of another human (or group of humans) and actually give them your whole self...all your focus...all your attention. I didn't even bother to plug in my phone this weekend...until we needed it for directions to get to the hot tub clear out in Star (hi Rebecca). Seriously, best weekend I've had since getting away to Trinity Hot Springs - or my FL trip...Just being. TRULY BEING in the moment.
I haven't been reading much. Or listening to the books or podcasts like I was all of last year. I have felt like right now is a time to be in silence. It's in the silence that I am hearing the answers. It is when I turn OFF my brain...do busy work if meditation can't get it to turn off (lord knows I've had a lot of busy work lately) that the next step comes to me. Although life did not go the direction I thought it would, I am discovering that I am so much happier - so much more at peace - in this realm of not knowing. Crazy as that sounds, I love not knowing what's next. It's a great adventure. In this realm of simply trusting that the universe is going to make things happen. Trusting that the universe is going to provide and guide me to where I am supposed to be. Showing me what my next step is just as I need to see it. That trust has been the greatest gift after losing trust in humanity and in myself (thanks to my ex and his actions). But, it wasn't ME that I couldn't trust...I made it known that the path with him was not necessarily the right path for me - but I didn't listen. I focused on human things - on societal expectations - on the comforts of a "secure" relationship instead of focusing on what my soul was telling me. We were toxic for each other. He was especially toxic for me.
I will never - ever - ever - EVER do that again (at least that is my plan, but I am human after all). I have learned that I have to listen when my higher self - the universe - the angels and the divine give me a message. It is when I don't listen - or I avoid the thing that I am supposed to do - that I sink into despair or come into pain.
I have been too comfortable in the shadows. It is so much easier to be there. You can hide in the shadows. No one sees your "flaws" (which - truly - you have none...those are merely human perceptions...you are perfect just the way you are in all the oddities that you are). Embrace the flaws and step into the light. I know from experience that speaking openly about your darkness helps people who can't find the words. It shows them they are not alone. It shows them that they CAN find the strength to keep moving out of the shadows - if they decide that is what they want to do.
Unfortunately - not everyone wants to find their way back to the light. They see nothing but fear in the light. I have those moments, for sure, but oh my goodness - it is SO BEAUTIFUL on the other side of the shadows. LIVING and LOVING completely, unconditionally, with no expectations. THAT is what this life is about. And if there's someone who is always bringing you down - you CAN walk away.
I closed that door. It was scary but oh the doors that have opened since are SO MUCH more exciting than the mediocre life I was living. We all have so much greatness in us. We all have the ability to help people...whether it's one person or one million...every single one matters. So step into your greatness. Step through the fear. There's so much joy, wonder, and beauty on this side of the shadows. Live completely and BE in this moment. And, "don't save things for a special occasion. Every day of your life is a special occasion." ~Thomas S. Monson
I will be going back to Trinity Hot Springs this coming weekend. There's live music Saturday the 21st, but more importantly, there are humans who will teach you what loving one another truly looks like. Perhaps I'll see you there.
I love you all! So completely. Doesn't mean that I like someone's actions ... or even that I like them ... but my soul truly loves every single one of you.
September 13th, 2019
Another travel day as I returned to Idaho. No major happenings along the journey. I stopped to see my aunt and Grandpa in Marsing, then stopped at my daughter's house in Kuna. I plan to stay in Kuna - at the Reynolds farm - until October 10th (or until they're tired of me). Then I'll head to Tennessee for the Unstoppable Influence Summit.
My internet and phone connection is going to be an issue if I don't invest in a signal booster and mifi. I had problems getting the last 2 days of blog posts to actually post but they FINALLY did just now at 5:30 am on the start of day 7 of my new life. Gotta love technology.
There's a lot to get used to. There are the noises of the water heater kicking on. Noises of the different places I stop to park. Creaks and pops of things as I drive. Not knowing what the location will be like when I stop. Trusting the work is going to keep flowing to me. Getting a routine figured out. SO much to figure out. But, all is well ... except now my check engine light came on. 🤦 I seriously would love for things to just go smoothly.
Yesterday, I had words flow through me on the drive that I shared with my social media fans and feel compelled to share here as well. The road may not reach the destination you had planned...
I never thought I'd be driving a 3/4 ton diesel pulling a nearly 34' trailer - by myself.
I never thought I'd sell, or give away, most of my belongings and live on the road.
I definitely never thought I'd be single again at 41... after 20 years with someone.
I didn't think my sister and I would jump from a perfectly good plane at 15000 feet to release the past.
But, here I am. On the road. Just me and my cats.
I have people to call if I get lonely - and I make friends easily. So, while it isn't the same as sharing a life with someone, I still can get a hug when I need one.
This life is SO GOOD if you'll focus on the good instead of what you're missing.
Remember that you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be in this moment. Look for the beauty, even through the pain. You never know what amazing things are in store for you just around the next corner.
It is National Suicide Awareness month. Please share. Please tell someone they matter. Please be kind - you never know if your words will be the saving grace or the final push for someone who is struggling.
Call 1-800-273-8255 if you're struggling. Having been there, I KNOW that there is life beyond the darkness. And, oh my friend, it can be beautiful!
I hope you all can find hope and beauty in your day. I love you all! Never forget that YOU MATTER!
September 12th, 2019
Had to ask for protection from crazy truck divers last night. One starts flashing his lights and honking at me. The other nearly side swipes me. Not cool man, not cool.
Besides that, day 5 was a lovely day. Got all loaded up by checkout time, even dumped my tanks and filled my fresh water tank (I knew I'd be dry camping somewhere for the night). It would be better gas mileage to drive without my water tanks full but, gotta have that water when I stop for the night. My first "pack up" took 3 hours. I was very diligent about every little thing. I am sure I'll get faster as i get a routine down. The cool part though, I got hooked back up to my truck very quickly. Only jumping out to check the location of my hitch in relation to the trailer 4 times...I felt like a pro. 🤣
There is not a ton to talk about for day 5. I take it easy when driving. The CA roads are horribly bumpy so it's nice to be off those. I did stop for dinner at a lovely restaurant in Truckee called Cottonwood. While there, a great big black bear began wandering about. She was even near the front entrance when I left. That was a surprise. We both stopped, looked at each other wondering what the other was going to do... then she started walking towards me so I got out of her way. I have never been that close to such a large bear in the wild. Dinner and entertainment.
Today, I will get back to ID. I slept in Lovelock again. FYI, the Conoco has a perfect spot for RVs (or cars) to stop and sleep. Just in case you're traveling through this area. Yesterday's blog post won't publish... so I'll have bothtop publish now. I guess I do need to invest in a mifi and signal booster. So much to think about. Oh well, I better get rolling. I'll likely have more to say tomorrow. Have a lovely day! I love you all!
September 11th, 2019
I was warned that San Francisco was dirty and unsafe. "The traffic is terrible," multiple people said. Well, to be honest, there were a lot of homeless on my way out at 12 am after the concert (a few blocks from the Chase Center) but, if you go to the North Beach (Pier 39) it seemed perfectly fine since that's the tourist area.
I found this great website (of course they have an app too) that you can reserve a parking space. The one I used is called SpotHero. Since I went down there at about 3 on a weekday, finding a spot wasn't an issue BUT, I saved $ using the app. The garage I parked in (Pier 39 Garage) is $10 per hour. If I hadn't reserved and paid $25 for parking through SpotHero, it would've been $40. Dang cool!
I wandered around, checked out a few stores, then sat down to have some Fish and Chips (and a top shelf Margherita - it was happy hour afterall) at Lou's. It was all delicious. I sat, watching people go by, listening to all the languages. It was lovely. Such a mix of people and everyone was enjoying themselves (well, except one man and woman - the man was following quickly behind. He said something in his language, she stopped, turned around, scolded him in their language then stormed off again with him trying to keep up).
I enjoyed walking through the ZK Gallery. There were several pieces sold. THAT'S the kind of Gallery to be in. A $20k painting was headed to France. Way cool. I'm following them on IG now. It definitely made me want to get to work! But alas, I must drive today.
I sat at the end of the pier, listening to the birds and sea lions. The sound of the waves hitting the pilings was rhythmic. The sun was just a few hours from setting. The Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz both visible, I watched as the final tour boats sailed away. No one bothered me. Everyone was enjoying their own space. Sitting here, nearly an hour, I decided I had to go to a beach to watch the sunset. I did a quick search and found a few nearby (one had a lot of nudity according to the site - I went to the other instead 🤣 I love the human body but wasn't in the mood...I just wanted the sunset).
Gollum travels with me. He was given to me by a former student who spent hours in my classroom after school (if you're reading this, hello Hannah). She knew I love the Lord of the Rings but was totally creeped out by Gollum. She gave him to me because I had the innate ability to creep her out as well. 🤣 I typically walk softly so I could appear next to students without them even knowing (I scared many over the years). One particular time, after school, Hannah was sitting in my yearbook room with a friend on the floor as I worked on editing yearbook pages that students had submitted (don't miss the hours of editing but I miss my "kids"). She was talking about her boyfriend and how needy he was. Hanging off her, always needing to be around her, and it made me think of Gollum. So, in my spontaneous nature, I jump out of my seat and do a Gollum crawl toward her saying "my precious" as I go. FREAKED her out, the friend (hi Stephanie) and I laughed - eventually Hannah laughed. From then on, she found or drew me Gollum. So, he rides along in my truck and I take pictures of him in different locations and send them to her (and my Bri - hi Bri). So don't be surprised when you see pictures of Gollum. He's my travel companion. 🤣
As I sat on the beach, there's a young man with a professional camera. He's snapping pictures and I ask if I just stepped in front of him. I'd already taken my Gollum picture. He says "no, I just was getting my little prop out." His was much more spiritual (a little Hindi sculpture). I laugh and say "hey I have one too... well, not the same as yours but a little prop." It was nice to have another creative to sit near as the sun set.
The sun has set on my stay here. I must start the preparation for my drive. I'll be back in Boise on Friday for sure. But, I'll talk to you again before then. Love you all! Have a beautiful day! Go do something spontaneous today!
OH...btw - I didn't think traffic was bad at all. Just go with the flow and all is well. Granted, the cars squeeze in from lane to lane; but, as long as you're paying attention, it's just fine.
September 10th, 2019
I had grand plans of all the things I would do. I was going to paint, sight see, catch up on my online teaching job, pay bills, call utility companies...ALL the things. But, I fell asleep. And slept most of the day.
I have learned to listen to my body. This meat suit is here for us... its the only one we have in this lifetime... so you must take care of it.
That's never been a priority for me. I have hated this body. Mistreated and abused it. Thought and said mean things about it.
In January of this year, I received confirmation through a guided meditation of something awful that happened to me at age three. Age three was when I separated from my body. It wasn't safe to be in it, so I always daydreamed and ventured into the world of imagination instead of staying grounded in this "damaged" body. I still do not know who the old man was who took advantage of a little girl who just didn't understand what was happening - I don't need to know. In that meditation, I was able to heal. To tell the three year old me that it wasn't her fault. I grieved for her. I held her. I comforted her. And I convinced her that it is safe to be in her body. And I forgave that man and myself.
I healed that day. Tremendously. Learning the truth - no matter how difficult - is often what we need to get to a place of peace. That's what the last year, since June 6, 2018 was for me. My ex, who I was married to for 18 years at that point, came home in between work and practice and devastated me with news. It's funny, looking back, because when he told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be married anymore ... I SMILED.
I couldn't stop and had to leave the room. I went in the bathroom and grabbed some tissue to pretend I was crying. It was a strange experience! Why was I smiling? I felt betrayed by my body, it wasn't doing what i thought it should (cry, get angry, be upset... don't smile as your world falls apart... come on now). The truth is, my body knew before my mind did that this was the beginning of me coming home... back into my body. Grounded, protected and at peace.
Since that day, I've definitely awakened to the truth of this life and I no longer despise this form that carries me. I know there is still so much to learn and do... and that's what this adventure is going to allow.
Having slept most of the day and then going to bed early (11 pm) and waking up late (7 am), there isn't much travel adventure to share. I did run into town to see if I could get a second sewer hose... my connection is at the front-ish of the camper and the campground's connection is at the back. Finding all sorts of things out on this trip. I also had the GPS take me down a road I wouldn't have been able to pull my home down (seriously, I think my GPS is twisted - see picture above). There's also a camper that put some pool noodle floaties on the corners of the slideouts. BRILLIANT! I will have to do that as I've cracked my head multiple times. Hmmm... perhaps the sleepiness is a concussion...I wonder, can you do a concussion test on yourself? 🤦
Another minor issue that arose, I discovered a drip where there shouldn't be one while connected to city water - and yes I have a pressure regulator on. So I am in a full hookup campground, only connected to power. The universe enjoys challenging us. That is why we came to this soul playground called Earth. To learn. To heal. To grow. To explore. To love.
The greatest love is yourself.
I have to make calls today to turn off utilities at the Boise house because it officially closed yesterday! I am officially a nomad!
Well, I am going to site see today after calls and catching up on my teaching job so, TTFN (ta ta for now). Love you all! Have a beautiful day and be kind to your body. It does so much for you.
September 09th, 2019
Today was another travel day to get the rest of the way to my very first KOA campsite. As I'm driving, I hear "GPS signal lost" - sometimes as frequent as every 5 minutes. It makes me laugh. Why is she always lost? It's no big deal EXCEPT when she doesn't tell me I need to turn. I realized I will have to have written as well as GPS directions - thankfully I only had one missed turn as I pulled into Petaluma. The voice on the phone said "make a u-turn" once she caught up with me. Ha ha. Funny. No u-turns for me when I'm hauling my home. 🤦
My phone does strange things. Actually...I do strange things to electronics. Those of you who know me well know this. But, for those who don't...
I actually have medically documented evidence that I manipulate electronics. There's a lot of people who do this according to my old doctor who hooked me up to a heart monitor when I first started teaching (stress was causing all sorts of strange things to happen to me). It's caused by extra electrical currents from the heart - these kind are not a medical concern... just extra currents flowing about. He asked me - after the results came back - "do you do strange things to electronics?" FINALLY I had proof that it wasn't something I did wrong - it's just a useless superpower I have. Anyway, I think that's why my GPS is so glitchy in my phone (I'm also a time traveler, my phone clock - set to the same satellite as everyone else's is currently running almost eleven minutes ahead. It started a few years ago when I said "I'm tired of being late." Next thing I knew, my phone got ahead of time).
I did make it eventually (just as I eventually get to my point) to Petaluma and pulled into my campsite. The two nights I was supposed to be here (I had hoped to arrive Friday, not Sunday) were just switched to the trail end of my stay instead. So now I am here until Wednesday! YAY! Setting up is quite a process. Wow. For those who've never RV'd ... there's a whole list of things to do before you're set. Speaking of lists, I must get mine made before leaving -along the drive, I would crawl in my home at stops (to check things) then forget to put the big handle back flat. I even forgot the stairs once because this little girl walked up as I was leaving - I was next to the sidewalk checking my tire pressure and she says "what's wrong" and crouches down to look under my rig. She had to be about 5 years old but she was looking at things as if she were a mechanic doing an inspection. Her mom laughed and apologized. It was pretty adorable. I got completely distracted (which happens a lot for me) so I decided there will have to be lists in my home, in my truck ... wherever I need a reminder. I kept saying to myself "rookie mistake."
It certainly didn't help that the cats didn't let me sleep. Sleep deprivation + anything requiring thought is not a good combo. Our first night, I found a great spot to park at a truck stop in Lovelock. I wrote the blog day 1 and then quickly fell asleep. After about an hour, there's meowing at my door. Grrrrrrr. It's Swan I'm sure (btw, the sisters are named after Pirates of the Caribbean...Sparrow and Swan). I stay silent, maybe she'll stop if I don't respond. She does, after about half an hour so I try to fall back asleep. As soon as I do, she starts again. 2 hours of this...I should've gotten up and locked her up... but I didn't want to get her in the habit of meowing = mom gets out of bed. 2 am is too early!
At the planted house in Boise, I had to lock the girls in the laundry room before going to sleep. Swan would literally reach up and hang from the doorknob when I would occasionally try to nap. They just have to know where I am... but I don't like pets in my bed. So...I should've known. But I was so tired when I stopped, I wasn't sure they'd let me lock them in the studio so I didn't want to fight them. (Side note ... it's actually morning of day 3 when I write this - Metallica was last night - so I did lock them up, no problem.)
Every night, I herd cats. I say "girls, let's go to bed" and off they run to their room, looking back at me as we go. It's pretty funny. They get to their food bowl and meow at me like "look at us, we're so good, we're eating our dinner." Ok, I may attribute too many human qualities to them... but I spend a lot of time alone with them. Needless to say, they'll still have to be locked up every night so I can sleep. And sleep I DID after yesterday... although I'm still in need of a giant cup of coffee - or two.
I didn't get back home until around 2 (2 am is too late). The hour drive after the concert was rough. I had to call on all my protection to stay awake. I was going to stop for coffee, but my GPS was taking me to questionable places - San Francisco is not as safe as Boise... so I drove very tired. I started just yelling and making strange noises just to get home. It was not safe for me to be on the road but I wasn't sure it was safe to stop either.
Anyway - the Metallica concert. HOLY SHIT it was SOOOOOOOO GOOD! I cried, several times, because I was just SO HAPPY that I was there. I left my home at the campground and drove in to San Francisco. The traffic was no worse than anywhere else but the roads..
Holy cow - they are the bounciest, bumpiest, roughest roads EVER. Which is one thing in a regular vehicle - a whole other thing when you're pulling a trailer. Oops, once again, I digress. The performance was with the San Francisco Symphony. I have never experienced such a soul moving concert. I was in heaven and could've listened all night long. My seat was at the VERY top of the Chase Center. I arrived late (the 1 hour drive was actually two) but the concert started late. So I arrived with the first song. It was empty outside and in the halls... kind of a cool experience - I recorded a video and posted it on FB...I think.
The seat was awesome. I've NEVER had what some would consider such a bad seat. I've never gotten tickets so far away from the stage. I was so far away... seriously THE LAST row - and the tickets were still VERY expensive. From this viewpoint, I could see everyone and everything. There was a light show that the people lower down could not experience. My senses were overflowing with joy at what I was able to see and hear (the were a few times where I closed my eyes to really FEEL the music but, for the most part, I SAW a great show too).
I have wanted to see Metallica since I was in the third grade. I never went because of a "lack mentality". I used to think "oh, those tickets are too expensive... if I spend that money on those, I won't have it for something I need."
Let me tell you...
My SOUL NEEDED this concert.
I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I had many deja vu moments on the drive in, as a matter of fact. I must've been tapping in to another timeline (I'll leave that here for another blog).
Then, the young man sitting next to me struck up a conversation during intermission. He is from the UK and made a perfect point - which is my point in life now (you have seen me LIVING ALL OUT all summer if you've been following me a while) - you never know if you'll lose the chance to do the thing, go to the place, see the people (he said he skipped Lincoln Park's concert and thought "I'll go next year" well that was the last concert there) ...so when you see an opportunity, take it.
He's 23 (we're FB friends now so I stalked to see his age) and he has the greatest part of life figured out.
He is living. Doing the things he wants to do. Going the places he wants to go. It's really a wonderful way to live. That's what this concert was for both of us (we both went alone and ended up sitting next to each other... what're the odds).
My seat was perfect. Thank you universe. I am following my intuition, allowing it to guide me and put me exactly where I'm supposed to be. Keeping my eyes and ears open for opportunities - and going for them when they come into my consciousness. The GPS signal may be lost but I have so much more that is guiding me. You do too if you'll just get out of your head, and into your heart.
Well, I seriously need to go get creamer so I can have my coffee. I love you all! Go do something you've always wanted - something that will do your soul, and maybe someone else, some good. Talk again tomorrow!
September 07th, 2019
Guess what... I did it! I packed everything I "need" into my truck and a 29 foot RV... well, toy hauler actually... and hit the road. This was MUCH more difficult than it sounds though.
A little backstory first...oooh, there's a train going by where I stopped to sleep - SQUIRREL 🤣
Ok, before I'm derailed (sorry, couldn't resist) the BRIEF backstory for those of you who don't know me well...
1996, I graduated high school with a 2 week old baby in my arms (well... she was in the stands during the ceremony but I digress). I had multiple bad relationships the first 3 years of her life ... until I THOUGHT I found my forever. After nearly 20 years together - on April 13, 2019, we separated and after a few weeks, I knew it was permanent because I felt the desire to LIVE ... and he made me feel otherwise.
I had struggled with suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. In February of this year, I came to the realization that if I exited prematurely, I'd have the same shit show over again. But, until I was away from my ex for about 2 weeks, I still struggled. Then, I found ME and for the first time in my life, I am finally pursuing my true life's purpose (at least that's the Divine messages I have been receiving since making the big decision).
That big decision is what I'm living now. A nomadic life. A month or so before that day in April, I woke up from a dream where I was traveling. Going wherever I felt called whenever I felt called.
Sharing my light with everyone I met. When I woke up after that dream I thought, "that was a really cool dream; but, I can't do that... what about my husband, my 4 cats, my 3 dogs, my studio, etc." All the THINGS that were tying me down.
Then my ex and I separated.
I still thought "what about my cats, and my studio?" So, I continued to think it was just a dream.
Nope. Confirmation that this is my path was on its way. In mid-May, I go to the Unstoppable Influence Inner Circle Retreat in Florida (where I got to present a workshop... perhaps one day I'll talk about that). The first session, the amazing Melissa Walsh takes us through a meditation. During that meditation, I see myself traveling again. Once again...I say "but I can't leave my cats." Then, the second session (the also amazing) Angela Hoover took us through a conversation with our higher self. Well, mine asked "is Idaho your home?"
Again, the cats come to mind. I'd already paid my dues to participate in the BOSCO Open Studios Weekend... it just didn't seem possible. That evening I sat talking with one of the other gals at the retreat (hi Jina) and I had a revelation. I don't know if she said it first or if it came from me but, it was this...
"I can't let my cats dictate my life."
So, I opened up to the idea. The next day, we had an hour of time to do whatever we wanted. Noone else wanted to go to the beach, so I went alone, with my journal. I asked all the questions in my writing...
"If I sell the house and travel what about this... what about that... what about each and every thing."
I wrote it all out plus a request. I asked the universe for a sign. Three to be specific. And then, the magic happened. Now remember, I'm in Florida at the time - and had been for 4 days at that point - I asked to see 3 yellow birds in the next 7 days. I was going to be back in Idaho the last two days of those 7 days so it wasn't a completely crazy request. I hadn't seen a single yellow bird since arriving in FL. The first 24 hours after the request, not one yellow bird. By the end of the next day, however, I saw six. SIX yellow birds. The following day I saw a HUGE yellow bird painted on the side of a semi.
"Ok," I say.
Then I notice I keep seeing the number 96 over and over - it's on license plates, mile markers, distances, exits, trailers... over and over and OVER again as I drive south to visit my brother. So, I look up what angel number 96 means. This is what sticks out to me...
"Angel Number 96 is a message that it is time for you to detach from your material items, particularly if you have had any obsession with any material possession/s or a need to own them. You are encouraged to 'let go and detach' and trust that something in your life is about to be replaced with ‘better’."
(Check out "Angel Numbers - Joanne Sacred Scribes" if you see numbers repeated)
I text my daughter (who happens to be a realtor) and tell her I'm selling the house and traveling. I tell her all the signs and she says "the universe is screaming at you to do this."
In June, I began prepping the house for sale. Painting walls, repairing cosmetic things, hiring someone to clean up the disaster of a yard, removing a bee hive ... all sorts of "fun" things. My sister helps too... a lot in July -amidst our shenanigans (these WERE actual fun things but that's a whole other post... a couple of highlights were skydiving from 15,000 ft and getting upgraded to front row seats at the Garth Brooks concert). We finally got the house staged (thank you Wilson Homes at Amherst Madison) and listed on the 26th. We received an offer on August 13th. I moved out - officially - today, the 7th of September.
Going from 2600ish sq feet to a 29ft toy hauler was not an easy task. I donated several truckloads of items. I put some in storage (mostly keepsakes, heirlooms and my awesome bed frame from Mexico) and kind of look like a hoarder at the moment in my new home. My truck is packed full. This RV is packed full. I am sure I'll purge more as I go but for now, I have the things I need and some things I think I "might" need 🤦 (I'm an artist, I can't help it).
That PLUS three cats (my daughter took one back...I had two of hers). I couldn't part with the other three (two are sisters and can't be separated - one of them fetches ... you can't get rid of a cat that fetches. The third is named after my Papa, Hezzie - she even partially amputated her own tail to get his nickname too...Stub). I re-homed 2 of my dogs, I had to put the third- good old Hondo - down in June... the same day I got stranded in a little town called Cottage Grove, OR (again, a whole other post would be required for that story).
I have never had an RV so this is all new. Brand - spanking - new. So, I got my 2020 Grand Design Momentum 29g toy hauler one week before closing on the house. One week before I was supposed to be leaving on my first road trip to San Francisco to see Metallica. (That story started the first day my sister and I were supposed to Skydive but got grounded because of the wind. After she went home, Metallica's "Master of Puppets" came on my Pandora and I thought "hey, I should see a Metallica concert during my travels." Well, they're actually on their international tour right now. I was bummed until I saw an anomaly. They're performing in San Francisco with the symphony. So I hit "buy ticket." The first night was sold out but there were tickets for the second night, I see the cost and say,
"OH HELL NO!"
And put my phone down.
The song is still playing...
I think to myself, "I've wanted to see these guys in concert since I was in the third grade but never went because tickets were 'too expensive.' They aren't going to be touring forever."
The song is STILL playing...
"I'm doing it!" I say. "I'll regret it if I don't."
So, I did it. I bought the ticket (three times the cost of what I would've seen them at if I had just gone to a show in Boise...🤦). Now, I'm sleeping at a truck stop because it took FOREVER to move everything out of my house and studio. I've had a KOA outside of San Francisco booked for two nights but haven't gotten there yet. Mainly because (besides the fact I have a lot of stuff) there's the whole "contents will shift during travel" issue so loading everything in was a puzzle to be solved.
But I did it! Now, I hear the generator humming. Strange pops and creaks. The sound of trucks on the interstate, rain hitting my roof and, that occasional train rolling by. I've had very little sleep in the past week and - to be completely honest - I haven't bathed in many days (I've lost count - gross 🤣). So, I better sign off of this Day 1 of my #travelingartist adventures. Tune in to see what tomorrow brings! Love you all! Go so something that brings YOU joy.
I had a dream that I was traveling all over the world. In less than 6 months, I sold almost everything I own...bought a Toy Hauler (the "garage" is my art studio) and am now living wherever, whenever...just me, my art, and my cats.